Re-inveniting Me...

I am still trying to figure out who I am ..... a divorced empty nester ..... what is next for me? Who am I? I feel like I know, but everything I know in my life revolved around my family, and having kids...my kids are grown now and I just feel kind of lost trying to navigate what the next 40 years looks like for me.

I have spent the past year living with my girlfriend. It has been quite the adjustment for both of us. We have gone on some epic adventures and we both like to explore nature and take pictures so we normally have a lot of fun together but some days I just feel like somethng is missing.

Day 1 of 356

Day 1 of 365

Things were so tough this past year but I accomplished a lot.  I can say that I struggled and I can complain that was difficult but I should be grateful that I was able to push through and survive when everything else around me crumbled apart. 

This year will be tough too. I'm 44. At this point, I don't think things get easier.  Working in the environment that I do, I know that at some point in our lives, age sneaks up and comes too quickly, that even though it happens to the best of us, we never think it will happen to us, we lose our memory and ability to care for ourselves.  As our body gets old and our organs slow down and start to fade away, hopefully we will have lived a lot of life in between and have many people who still love us even when we forget their name.

I want to live the rest of my life just loving and being happy in all that I do. 

I'm excited to announce....

Exciting News to Share!!!

2022 Vision Board

2021 Wrapped

Second Surgery Update

Yesterday I went in for my ACL reconstruction.  Below are pictures of the portion of the injury repaired yesterday.  This is hopefully my final surgery, and another step closer to walking normally! Hiking and photography are something that I definitely need my knees for! I can't believe that I have  been hiking and walking around with this injury! I'm so ready to be able to go back to the gym and starting physical therapy.  

My surgery went well & I am doing much better than I expected on day 1 post surgery. I'm able to to use crutches & only need the wheelchair for distances.  I can't dress/undress myself from the waiste down yet. I can't put on my socks and shoes. I am able to slip in to my slides and that is what I have been wearing. I'm not allowed to unwrap my leg until Sunday so I wont know what my scars are going to look like from this one.  I know that they used my hamstring this time instead of cadaver parts to repair my ACL so my hamstring is sore. 

I was super groggy and disoriented yesterday after the anesthesia and pain med overkill. I have managed to not take any narcotics since I've been home. I feel like I need a clear mind so my body can heal itself and my brain will know to send pain receptors to do their job. I feel like taking narcotics prevents our brain from doing their job. I'm not saying I wont end up using them at some point to manage pain so I can sleep or if the pain increases but for now I'm managing my pain on my own. 

I'm just taking this time to rest and heal because I go back to work on Wednesday! 

I bought a car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Well, I did a thing! I bought a brand spankin' new car! So new it had 2 miles on it when I test drove it. It is a Nissan Rogue Sport. I LOVE it. I traded in my little Ford Focus.... it was cute, had heated seats, remote start and custom stereo .... and I'm gonna miss all my reggae stickers.... but my new car is much more comfy and gonna be a good road trip ride! I had an anesthesia hangover from hell, couldn't even drive it off the lot, didn't even get to drive it til the next day! But it was a nice, smoothe ride to work. I posted a video to my Snap Chat and Instagram story but I really haven't gotten to get out and take pictures because of the snow and ice and being super unsteady on my legs right now. I'm looking forward to a road trip soon! View On TikTok

2020 Wrapped

This year has overwhelmingly SUCKED for all of us. I'm not sure that there is any person who is leaving 2020 saying that this is their best year yet & in 2020 they lived their best life. 

This year has brought us Civil Unrest, COVID 19, Unemployment, Uncertainty, Incredible Loss, Grocery Store Nightmares, Toilet Paper Shortage, Fires in the West, Political turmoil.

This year brought me a traumatic bodily injury that left me immobilized and unable to walk, drive or do many things for myself for the entire summer. My position was eliminated and I lost my job. My daughter and grandbabies moved halfway across the country. My anxiety and depression has gotten out of control to the point that I have considered going back to meds even though I have been coping for 7 years med free.  

But 2020 brought me a new job, one that I actually like, with co-workers that are actually decent human beings. I started a new business and although it isn't going to generate enough income to replace my full time job any time soon, it eventually, some day will be my retirement plan and I don't owe any business loans and my overhead is low so I can be competitive with all the other photographers in my area without taking any losses. 

While 2020 is wrapping up, I am thinking about what I need to focus on for 2021.  I most definitely need to work on raising my vibrations. Depression and anxiety make it hard to focus on what is important but I need to focus on spirituality, health, family and repairing and maintaining relationships with people who will be moving in to 2021 with me. 

I am going to be working on my Vision Board and encouraging my family to create theirs as well.  

I am going to focus on:

Health - physical & mental. Healing from my injury and training to summit the incline again.  

Financial - Continuing to work on improving credit score, saving for 2 big trips.

Purchases - Car, Home

Diet - Vegetarian 

Lifestyle - fitness routine & goals

Fun - Vacation! 

Personal - a few personal goals in which I'm not going to mention but will be added to my vision board.

Updates On My Leg Injury....

For those who are following the updates on my leg injury, I met with a surgeon today. I knew that my doctor was recommending surgery. Otherwise, I would not have been meeting with a surgeon. 

I learned today that my injury is quite severe and will require more than one surgery. It is also not something that I can put off for some time, like I initially thought.  My surgeon said I will likely be seeing him for a year and a half. I don't even really have time to process it. Surgery number one has been scheduled for next Wednesday and this surgery is NOT to repair my ACL. That will be the 2nd surgery.  

My first surgery will be to repair the other tendons and ligaments that are torn in my knee. This surgery will require a 3 month healing process. 

My second surgery will be to repair my ACL. I will not know until I wake up from my surgery if I have cadaver parts inside of me. I think I will forever be disgusted with my leg if I have to use body parts of a dead human to repair me.

I am just still trying to process all of this. 

I am trying my best not to let depression take over. I started the keto diet because I'm clearly not getting much physical activity this summer. I cancelled my gym membership because I'm obviously not going to be getting on an elliptical any time soon. I am looking in to other gym options that have pools because water aerobics will probably become my new workout routine. Eventually. But...of course with COVID I am not really comfortable going to pools or gyms or even having surgery right now. 

I still have people asking me stupid questions like:

1) are you hurt? .... nope, the crutches are just a fashion statement, I just found these things laying around the house and thought wow, these would look great with my outfit.

2) are you still on those crutches? ummmmmm..... obviously. 

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The results of my MRI -

1. Rupture of proximal ACL with at least 1.5 cm caudal retraction

2. Full-thickness rupture of the fibular collateral ligament mid segment with a gap measureing 1 cm. High grade posterolateral corner structure injury including rupture and cranial retraction of the biceps femoris tendon at its insertion, grade 2 sprain of popliteus tendon at its origin, grade 1-2 sprain of fibular collateral ligament, nonvisualization of the arcuate ligament suggestive of tear.

3. Incomplete, partial thickness tear involving proximal-posterior segment of the MCL. Grade 1 sprain of medial meniscus posterior meniscocapsular junction.

4. Impaction associated microtrabecular fracture of the medial femoral condyle and contusion of the posterior aspect fo the medial tibial plateau.

5. Ruptured Baker's cyst.

6. Focal class 3 chondromalacia areas of the patella and medial trochlea.

My camera is still on back order, my leg is still.... well, I don't even know yet. I have an appointment with my ortho tomorrow to go over the MRI results. I'm hoping I don't have to get any more MRI's and I'm hoping I don't have to have surgery.

While I'm waiting to get back to shooting I am working on my web pages, ads, and learning navigate the software.  I'm starting to get the hang of things and I'm excited to get back out there and pick up where I left off.

Here is my first video ad I created.  I'm sure I'll get better at doing these sort of things eventually as well. '

TRAGEDY & IMPULSE

Friday, June 5th was probably one of the WORST days of my life so far. 

I drove to the airport to see 4 of my family members off to their new destination in life. The babies who have brought me so much joy for the past year and a half and have given me new purpose in life....gone. My heart was completely broken. 

The rest of us.... came home to an empty house. No more baby toys cluttered the living room. No more excited "hi", no more requests for "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", no one to sing to, no one to teach to use a spoon during meal time. 

We were all so sad. Our lives have revolved around those babies ever since they came home from the hospital. 

So...I decided to do what I do when I'm feeling sad. I go hiking and take pictures of nature. That still brings me joy. 

The guys went fishing and me and Kaylee were going to hike.  I decided to run back over to my car to take pictures of the damaged caused from the "Hit & Skip" accident that had happened on Wednesday when someone hit my car while I was at a stop light and then jumped on the highway and took off before I even could process I'd been hit.

As I headed back to the trail, with my camera around my neck, ready to shoot animals with the only thing I'd ever shoot anything with.... I tripped over a cable gate.  As I got close I realized that the gate was there and went to try to step over it, the cable got stuck in my sandal and I have no idea what happened afterwards! Just excruciating pain. 

I screamed out for someone to call 911. I knew that I was injured and couldn't get up.  I felt my hip and knee pop out of place. I felt a surge of pain shoot up my leg like electric shock. I was in shock. I just layed on the ground writhing in pain and .... calling out for my mom....I'm a grown, 41 year old woman crying for my mom.... which is kind of funny in hindsight but at the time I guess I really just needed some motherly love? Anyway,  a ride in an ambulance, a trip to the hospital and several x-rays determined that my hip and knee had popped back into place when I landed on the ground and nothing was broken. But.... I still couldn't walk. The hospital sent me home with crutches, nothing for pain and said follow up with your doctor. Ok. 

So, I follow up with my doctor...TWO days later because that happened on a Friday night, my doctors office didn't open until Monday. She was angry that that they didn't give me a prescription strength Ibuprofen to reduce the swelling. She referred me to an Ortho. I went to work that Monday and Tuesday because I'm stubborn as fuck and well, I just try to force things to work even when they don't.  On Monday I had a wheelchair. On Tuesday, I dumped the wheelchair and attempted crutches but I pretty much thought I was going to die by noon.  On Tuesday, my doctor gave me a note to take some time off work Wednesday, Thurs, Friday and the weekend to try to give my leg some time to heal. Well, it is Sunday and my MRI isn't scheduled until NEXT Thursday.  My leg still does not work. I'm pretty sure that something is torn and my doctor thinks something is broken and it wasn't visible on the x-rays because of the swelling. 

At this point what I know for certain is that I have a sprained ankle, a hyper-extended knee with tendon and nerve damage to the back of my knee.... whether it is just a strain or a tear will be determined in the MRI.  I have some major contusions. I have a chest wall contusion.  I have something wrong with my hip.... maybe just from losing fluid when it was dislocated. Not sure. 

AND ....... I .......broke.......my ....... camera...................

OMG. I had an awful feeling it was broken.  I think it is fixable ..... I am self diagnosing as shutter damage because the shutter appears to be the only thing damaged. But..... that means I can't shoot. But also, my leg being fucked up pretty much prevents that as well. 

SO........ sitting here at home with nothing to do but sleep....and my leg still feels horrible I made an IMPULSE PURCHASE.

I thing I'm going to puke.

OMG.

Is it too late to return it? It's on back order. A new camera. Just the body. I'm still going to send my t7i in for repair but..... I upgraded. And I didn't need to buy a lens because the ones I have will work for the new camera.

BUT................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to need to make this money back fast! 

My. God.

Please heal me quickly so I can get back out there and make some money!

Starting a business during a pandemic (While working 2 other jobs!)

I have gotten in a LOT of practice shooting portraits this past week. I feel frustrated with the software and trying to learn camera settings. I think I'm going to need to take some classes to feel more comfortable with it. I'm a hands on learner. Most things I do, I have taught myself through trial and error. 

I have shot over 50 portraits this week.  Most of those I did for work. I am gifting a picture of our residents at the nursing home I work at to their family members who have been unable to visit due to Covid restrictions. Who needs the gym when you're doing photographer squats? My body is sore! But I'm way out of shape and I don't plan on going to the gym when it re-opens for a while.  It looks like my workout is going to be my side hustle!

Sunday I did a milk bath shoot with my grandbabies! Monday, between my mad rush to get payroll completed early so we could get paid early because of the upcoming Memorial Day holiday I shot 8 portraits. Tuesday.... I don't even remember Tuesday. Where did Tuesday go? Wednesday I shot around 30 portraits. Dear God, my knees felt every bit of that. Thursday we had a Honk & Wave Drive By Parade at work. It was so adorable! The family members of the residents decorated their cars with posters, balloons, streamers, the police and fire department and even some ponies paraded through our parking lot...in the pouring rain.... just for our residents. I had no idea it would evoke such strong emotions from me, but seeing these family members laying eyes on their loved ones for the first time in months had me sobbing uncontrollably. Through my tears I took pictures of the cars that came through.  Friday I shot a couple more pictures and got a call that my son passed out and was unconscious so that lead to a trip to the ER. Turns out, he was severely dehydrated. Today, Saturday, I worked a 12 hour shift at my part-time job as a scheduling coordinator for a staffing agency. And the next few days I am taking off to spend time with my family. 

If you follow my blog, follow my photography page! https://www.facebook.com/violetauraphotography/

XOXO

Launching my business! First photoshoot.

It is a crazy time to start a business, I know, but I have been trying to make this happen for quite some time and so here I am, starting a business during a global pandemic and economic catastrophe. Luckily, I do not intend to depend on my business for income right away.  I studied business and marketing and I know that even in a stable economy it takes most business 5 years to start turning a profit. I have my other jobs that pay the bills. I don't think of photography as a job (except for when I worked for a photography studio and we had to photograph hundreds of kids in 10 hours and then clean the bathrooms ...THAT was a job. This is a passion. This is what I LOVE doing. Chasing sunsets, rainbows, mountains, waterfalls.... finding a trail that leads to an incredible adventure and long, lasting friendships with strangers, and befriending a chipmunk that climbs into your hand to share a snack, that isn't a job. That is an adventure.

This week, I got to photograph my most favorite human on the planet! We had so much fun doing this photoshoot.  I might have killed my knees but it was so worth it!

Tiptoe through the garden with me

I only get 4 days off work in a month since I am working two jobs.  When I say it like that....it's no wonder I'm exhausted most days.  I always hope that the days I get to be off work will be sunny and warm but this weekend it was cloudy and cold.  

Still, I decided that my car needed to be cleaned out and washed. Honestly, I just needed to get out of the house and find something to do that involved staying as far away from other people as possible and touching as few things as possible.  The car wash wasn't that thing. There weren't a lot of people but there were so many things.... but still, I had no choice but to clean out my car because it needed to be sanitized from the trips to the grocery store and my back and forth to work.

I had to replace my old Nikon a little while back with a Canon....which is what we used at the photography studio I worked at during the holiday season so I have a little experience but I still have a lot to figure out.  Especially with the Light Room software that I bought but haven't really figured out how it all works yet.  

I started playing around with Light Room yesterday and became frustrated and gave up and went back to Snapseed which in all honesty, really good for FREE software.  I have been using that for years so I'm much more comfortable and I haven't found anything in Light Room yet that does anything better....but I'm still navigating and learning.

I took a hike through Rentschler Forest.  I did the wetland trail along the canal and then the trail up to the waterfall.  I didn't do the whole trail because it was apparent that I am not the only one who was suffering from cabin fever and needed to get some fresh air and sunshine.  The trail wasn't super crowded but on a narrow trail, you can't really keep 6' between you when you're passing. 

I also tiptoed through the tulips near the hospital. Don't judge my photos too harshly just yet! I'm primarily taking pictures to learn how to use my editing tools and find the correct settings on my camera. 

Clifton Gorge Hike

My family surprised me with a fun adventure to Clifton Gorge State Nature Preserve.  The hiking trails are beautiful. The trails were not as difficult as the reviews on All Trails made them out to be.  I have hiked all over Colorado and when I moved back to Ohio I wanted to prove that we have as much beautiful scenery here to enjoy as we did in Colorado.

The trail was not overly crowded but we passed many hikers on the trail.  The trails were paved in some areas, there were some bridges, fairly steep steps, and some steep ledges. If you bring your little ones, you definitely want to keep hold of their hands at all times.  The trails are not stroller or wagon friendly. Some of the trails did not allow pets but I saw a few leashed dogs so it doesn't seem as though they enforce the no pets rule.

There are waterfalls! I'm sure there are many more waterfalls to explore in the area.  I'd love to find the time to hike all of the trails in Yellow Springs eventually.

Yellow Springs, Ohio is a cute, hippie town with all the cute shops and cozy small town adorableness. It reminds me a little bit of Manitou Springs....not quite.....but I love these kind of towns.

While the goal is ultimately to end up back in Colorado, I'm here in Ohio for now and I'm going to explore as much of it as I can!

I didn't have my camera with me but I did have my phone so I did get a few pictures.